No cats in the house!

Today's photo is Bitten the Tiny Kitten. Of course he's not a tiny kitten anymore but he used to be!

Bitten's story

Several years ago a skinny cat showed up in my old barn. That’s not an uncommon occurrence and normally I just shoot them because they usually are wild and sick and are capable of either making kittens or having them. Well for some reason I took a shine to this cat. I could tell by the size of his head that he was a very large kitty; he had no tail, the huge feet with extra toes and was friendly. I fed him and let him fatten up before making the “appointment” with the vet for brain surgery.

A few weeks later, John was gone on one of his long hunting trips and I was out in the barn cleaning stalls. It was dark out as daylight savings had kicked in and I was just enjoying some quiet time out there messing with the horses. Here I am thinking I’m all alone and safe when the barn door starts slowly sliding open and in walks the biggest, dirtiest, ugliest man I’ve seen in a coons age. I give him the farmers wife face off with my pitch fork not saying a word, just glaring at him. He stops and says, “I hear you got my cat.” I knew instantly what cat he had to be talking about so I told him yes, I had cats but I doubt any of them were his thinking I just get him to leave and keep my cat. Well, this teeny, cute little girl with big sad eyes steps out from behind the guy and my heart just melts. “Okay, okay”, I say “he’s out in the other barn, let’s go have a look and see if he’s yours.”

We walked out to the old barn and as soon as that little girl (damm those cute kids!) spotted that cat she yelled out “Bobby” ran and picked him up. Crap. They guy was truly thankful to me for taking care of the cat and I told him that I really liked him. Well, they thanked me a whole bunch and left. End of story. Or, so I thought.

A few weeks later, here he comes down the driveway, walks right up to me, hands me this teeny tiny kitten and without a word turns around and leaves. This kitten looked just like mini version of the cat he had taken from my barn. He had to have been only a couple weeks old and couldn’t even poop by himself yet. He was so teeny we named him Bitty Little Kitty. I kept him in a bird cage and took him everywhere with me because he had to be hand fed and helped to poop.

Now I’m normally not one to get too attached to a cat, they are a renewable resource you know! But that cat, THAT CAT weaseled his way into my heart. He really is a cool cat.

NO CATS IN THE HOUSE!

So, last night I’m relaxing on the couch just enjoying the sound of John working in the basement, you know PROGRESS. All of a sudden, I hear this weird noise behind me, I ignore it. But it happens again and again. So, I get up and take a look and there is a CAT in my HOUSE throwing itself against my living room window tying to get out. I tried to shoo it out the door and it’s so frantic it keeps trying to leap out the window and with each failed leap it is landing right on my ancient jade plant and breaking it into pieces. At that point I have evil thoughts of opening the window and removing the screen. I say evil because it’s a second story window. HA! Anyway, I finally manage to shoo it into the kitchen and this is not before it has jumped up on every surface in my living room leaving a wake of broken memorabilia behind it. At this point I’m ready to chase it with a butcher knife. Anyway, I close all of the doors so it’s locked in the kitchen and oh so very nicely call to John that there is a CAT in my HOUSE and to come quick and get the dammed thing OUT before it causes any more damage than it already has. Of course he takes his time because he obviously assumes it’s no big deal and wasn’t he in for a surprise when he crests the stairs and sees the mayhem. I swear it might as well have been a dammed bobcat with how wild it was and the destruction it was causing. John opens the door to outside thinking the cat will just take the opportunity and LEAVE but NOOOO all of a sudden there are two dogs and one other cat at the door who decided they were going to help. At this point I have two cats and two dogs fighting under my kitchen table and I told John to get the gun and shoot the whole lot of them. With a lot of swats, kicks, thrown objects and a variety of swear words we were finally able to get them all outside and shut the door. After we were able to catch our breath and realize what had just happened we both walked around and took full stock of the damage. It wasn’t too bad considering what my house had just experienced. Of course it wasn’t until this morning that the bright idea came to me that we should have trapped the stupid cat in a box, took it outside and shot it because I’m SURE it is the one that is responsible for pissing in every barn, all over my front porch, on my tractor and in the dog room. I want that thing dead so badly I can taste it.